i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
