there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
