I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
