you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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