Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
