dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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