good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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