i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
