This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
