margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
