Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
