at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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