I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
