you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
