I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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