I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
