i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
