bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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