she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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