Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
