I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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