I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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