Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
