We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
