Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
