She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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