Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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