Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
