Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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