He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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