Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
