your room smells of hookers.
And success
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
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Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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