just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
