Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
