the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
