he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
