Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
