ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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