Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
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did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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