what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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