I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
