My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
