Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
as a side note pls kill me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
