my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
