I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
