in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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