I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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