sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So many bounce houses so little time
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
