I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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