Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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