D3 body, D1 cock
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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