But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My balls are so social today.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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