Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize