were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
