I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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