dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
