My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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