im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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