Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Life is so much better after having sex.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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