This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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